A connection, a bond, so special and rare,
With you, my dad, that’s what we shared.
So why then did you leave me behind?
It’s all so confusing, no clarity in my mind.
It happened so quickly that plans were in place,
All dressed in black, your unrecognizable face.
I cried, they cried, we cried for you,
It was so unexpected; it came out of the blue.
The darkness that suddenly took over your mind,
The pain that you felt had caused you to be blind.
Why me, why us, why now, why you?
All questions we’d ask, answers none of us knew.
You left in September, I’ll never forget the date,
Right before the holidays, there was an empty plate.
No one to carve the turkey, nor string lights upon the tree,
“The firsts” were the hardest but we knew they’d always be.
Your birthday came, another milestone we couldn’t praise
I would’ve stayed up all night… if it was you I could’ve saved.
Then Father’s Day came in the month of June,
There was no need to purchase a card or balloon.
Before we knew it, September was here,
Was it really true? Had it been a full year?
They say time heals all, but I felt like they lied.
I had this insatiable emptiness inside.
Depression is real, it hurts and consumes
It feels like you’re stuck in an endless gloom
You left the stage in the middle of a song,
I wish I could tell where it all went wrong.
But you are my star, so bright in the sky,
I know it’s “see you later” and not just “goodbye.”
Rainbows and pennies are signs that you’re near.
They give a calming feeling, the opposite of fear.
It’s been a long road, a dark five and a half years,
But my face is now dry; I am all out of tears.
Grieving is forever but helps us to heal,
We cope and rebuild, we learn how to deal.
I have peace in knowing you feel you are free,
I smile because you’re right beside me.
Today, I honor you, and all that you are,
For 21 years, you were the greatest dad by far.
I miss you and love you and hope that you know,
I will make you proud every day that I grow.
Rebecca is a staff member at AFSP
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