My Story by Kathy Easley

My beautiful daughter, Allison, died by suicide in December 2018 at the age of 37. I became involved with the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention in the Spring of 2019 after googling suicide, since I had no idea at that point in my journey as to where to turn to begin to help myself and my family deal with our sudden and tragic loss.

The very first name for help in suicide that came up in my google search was the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, so I clicked on it and began reading all that they, AFSP, had to say on the matter.

Through that search on google, I learned how to inquire about my local chapter. Being from small town America, in a rural location and much to my surprise, we, Southern West Virginia, had an active group. So, I reached out them.

Not knowing what to say and extremely unsure I could even talk if someone answered the phone, I placed the call to the person I was told to speak to. It turned out, she answered the phone on the first ring and after I tearfully introduced myself and told her how I obtained her number and why I was calling, she said, “You have come to the right place, you are not alone.” Immediately I felt a warm, comforting feeling, as she made me feel as though we were old friends.

Next, she invited me to a local meeting at which they were planning the upcoming AFSP Out of the Darkness Walk, which she explained was an annual walk, held all across the country in the fall of the year. She went on to explain that the walks are held in memory of those lost to suicide and to bring loss survivors together so that we know we are not alone. The walks are for anyone who has been affected by suicide in anyway.

With my knees shaking and my heart racing, my partner and I went to our very first AFSP organizational meeting at a local coffee shop. We were welcomed with open arms, hearts, and minds. The gals we met that day were welcoming, kind, caring, considerate, understanding, nonjudgmental and I knew in my heart I had found my tribe. I was not alone. Suicide had affected each of them and that meant we had an instant connection. We all share something, albeit a very sad reason, suicide, in common. I found out shortly after arriving at the meeting that we had a lot more in common than just suicide, although we all came from profoundly different backgrounds, we were all kindred spirits.

We all remain friends, in and out of our connection to AFSP and support each other and one another’s families’ endeavors, to this day. Wonderful bonds were formed at that very first meeting.

I attended my first Out of the Darkness Walk in the fall of 2019. I created a team in memory of my daughter, who loved pigs and Miss Piggy. We are team “When Pigs Fly”.

The team’s name is also indicative of the mindset and saying, it will happen “when pigs fly”. Much like Allison’s suicide, no one thought she would take her own life, until pigs fly!

That first walk I had 42 team members made up of family and friends! I felt so soothed and comforted by the fact that so many loved ones showed up to honor Allison! They came from near and far. It was so bittersweet. We looked amazing in our purple, Allison’s favorite color, custom, “When Pigs Fly” tee shirts. Our team, collectively, raised the most amount of money for that Out of the Darkness Walk. My heart was full.

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Then covid hit. Some think covid was a curse, and it was! But to me, in a strange way, it was a blessing.

In the months we were quarantined, I learned to tell my daughter’s and my family’s story. I gained my voice. I could say out loud, “My beautiful daughter, Allison, died by suicide.” I knew then I wanted to become a bigger part of sharing hope and healing, advocate for suicide prevention, use my story to help others in any way I could.

My partner and I attended our second Out of the Darkness Walk in 2021, as the walk was virtual in 2020. Only this time, my team, “When Pigs Fly” only had two members: myself and my amazing partner. To say I wasn’t a little crushed is an understatement, but everyone has more important things to do. I understand, suicide and things such as the Out of the Darkness Walk bring up raw emotions and that’s a very difficult thing for most, but I would not be deterred and became even more determined to get involved with AFSP! The lack of family and friend participation propelled me to step forward and speak to the West Virginia Area Director and the President of our Chapter, who were both present at that walk.

Myself, my partner, and another friend and loss survivor I met at my introductory meeting in 2019, all agreed we would willingly and cheerfully become the tri-chairs of the Out of the Darkness Walk for 2022. The Area Director and Board President were thrilled, as was I. Over the next few months, we attended meetings and trainings, in person and virtually. We were given everything we needed to begin to do outreach in our community, to spread hope, healing, and suicide prevention everywhere we could, all while gathering names of community members who wanted to join us in the walk, become volunteers, donate, and help raise funds for the Out of the Darkness Walk.

Despite torrential rains, wind, and awful weather, the Southern West Virginia Out of the Darkness Walk 2022 was a huge success! We had over 100 walkers, mostly first-time participants, many new teams were formed, fabulous friendships were made, and we had a record number of vendors from our community, offering their mental health resources at the walk. We raised a new high record number of money and had surpassed our goals. We brought hope, healing, and suicide prevention to our community through very successful efforts in recruiting new volunteers and walkers and in obtaining financial sponsorships for months prior to the walk, which helped us surpass our goals in every area.

While I do what I do for AFSP now year round as a volunteer, in memory of my daughter and to bring hope and healing to others affected by suicide, my dedication and desire to fulfill the mission of AFSP had not gone unnoticed by our Area Director and Board President, in so much as, they asked me to become an Advocate, which entails corresponding with local and state government officials via phone, emails and in person. Additionally, I was asked to be on the Board and eventually to be the Board Chapter Volunteer Coordinator, all of which, I was humbled and honored to accept.

I was asked to go to AFSP’s National Leadership Conference in Seattle, Washington, January 2023. I was thrilled to be able to go! It was an awe-inspiring conference, where I learned so much and met the most dedicated, hardworking, sincere volunteers, who like me, want to continually bring suicide prevention to the forefront daily. The ongoing training provided by AFSP is phenomenal. Their never-ending, updated, constant trainings, both in person and virtually, are easy to understand, always available virtually for ease of use timewise. Real live persons are always available to help in any way possible, from our national offices to our local in-state Area Director and Board President. We, the volunteers, are never alone in our journey to bring hope, healing and suicide prevention to our respective communities. Because I am so equipped and knowledgeable, with continual training, I volunteered to be the walk chair for the 2023 Out of the Darkness Walk, organizer of the International Suicide Loss Survivor Day 2022, and trained to be a Healing Conversationalist. I do continual outreach in our community.

I am in no way a professional mental health provider, nor do I try to be. I am not a professional speaker, nor writer. I am a retired housekeeper and housepainter, who now works part time as a nanny to two small children. I fill my free time volunteering for AFSP as simply a mother who lost her daughter to suicide.

I find great joy and continued healing for my own grief every day in helping to offer hope, healing, and suicide prevention through volunteering with the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, in memory and honor of my beautiful daughter, Allison, who was a light to the world everyday of her life, despite having a very debilitating mental health diagnosis that she lived with and was in active treatment for, for over 24 years until it, the mental illness, ultimately caused her to die by suicide.