Why I Walk, by Alyxandra Enscoe

My younger brother, Luke, was a shy guy. He was a man of few words, but the words he said were thoughtful. He had an old soul. He loved classic rock and the blues and sitting around a fire hanging out with his friends listening to his favorite songs. He loved his dog, Chase, who he adopted from Animal Friends when he was in his early teens. He loved being outdoors- appreciating the scenery, doing a bit of fishing, and observing the wildlife around him. He was a gentle young man, but also fiercely protective of the ones he loved. In June 2017, at the age of 21, Luke took his life. That day, I lost my only sibling. Luke was someone I was supposed to grow old with, care for our parents with, and make so many lifelong memories with. We were just starting to build on our relationship more as adults. I was absolutely shattered. In time, I had to start picking up the pieces and putting them back together into a new normal. This is when the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) first came into my life.

I heard about the AFSP Out of the Darkness Walk happening in August of that year from a family member, and I quickly decided to attend. I formed a team called Luke’s Legacy, and I hoped to raise a few hundred dollars and have a handful of team members. That first year, Luke’s Legacy raised $2,785 and had 22 members. Despite the support I knew I had behind me, I was so nervous to go. I was afraid of being too emotional or feeling alone. I still showed up. Little did I know that day was a pivotal moment that truly changed my life.

Upon entering Highmark Stadium, I felt more welcomed and accepted than I had in months. From the crowd herders to the volunteers working at registration and tables- everyone was so thoughtful and kind. The energy in the stadium was palpable. I felt overwhelmingly sad to be there among others who were also affected by suicide, but even more so I felt supported. I knew no one would judge me for shedding some tears during the opening ceremony. I also knew no one would judge me for smiling and making it a celebration of life and hope for the future. I left my first Out of the Darkness Walk knowing that I would be a lifelong supporter of AFSP. Soon after, I became a volunteer focused on education in our community. In 2019, I joined the Board as Secretary and in 2022 I became Board Chair. I now volunteer at the Walks every year, and I aim to be that volunteer that our attendees (especially new ones) desperately need. I will offer a shoulder to cry on, a smile or laugh, whatever is needed to make our attendees feel seen and validated. I remain Luke Legacy’s team captain each year. We have raised over $12,500 since 2017, and it makes me emotional thinking about all the tools, resources, and research that money has gone to in aiding to prevent suicide. I encourage you to join us for our Pittsburgh Walk on September 9^th at Highmark Stadium. I can guarantee that you will walk away feeling the hope and support that I do every year.