In 2021, Ellen Marks lost her wife, Monica, to suicide. They had been together for 30 years, building a life filled with love, memories, and shared experiences.
In the years since losing Monica, Ellen has found connection and community through the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention’s Out of the Darkness Walks, where thousands gather each year to remember loved ones, support their own and others’ journeys of lived experience, and stand together for suicide prevention.
May Is Mental Health Awareness Month, and as part of AFSP’s A Million in May campaign — which seeks to raise $1 million to fund suicide prevention research, education, advocacy, and loss support programs — Ellen has pledged to match every gift made on May 14, dollar for dollar, up to $20,000. No matter what day you choose to give, a gift of $135 will honor the 135 people it has been estimated are touched by every suicide loss, and reflect the strength of a community that stands together. Make your gift here.
Here, in Ellen’s own words, she remembers Monica, and reflects on how we can all play a role in saving lives, and supporting those who have lost loved ones.
“I met Monica playing tennis in 1991. Monica was looking for a woman’s doubles partner. Our connection immediately sparked into something very special and unique. For each of us, it was our first relationship with a woman. A year later, we were ready to make a lifetime commitment to each other. We were each other’s ‘one.’
Monica was a very strong, fierce, loving, caring person. She was a tremendous mentor to people, both personally and professionally. Her motto was, ‘Lead with love.’
That’s what I’m trying to do now, through my matching gift, and my dedication to suicide prevention. Lead with love.
Since losing Monica, I have experienced a range of emotions. I have felt tremendous waves of anger and guilt. But I have also experienced moments of profound connection and beauty.
When Monica was alive, there were two red cardinals that would come to our old house. Monica felt these two birds represented her parents, who had passed away. After I lost Monica, in the new home we had moved to, I immediately put up a birdfeeder and filled it with special cardinal food to entice her to come to me. And she did — as a red cardinal that visits me every other day or so.
I talk to Monica all the time. I write to her. I express every emotion I’m having. I know she is gone and probably can’t hear me — but the talking helps me through the difficult days. Monica will always be a part of my life.
Through my dedication to this cause, I want to play a role in helping hope take flight.
The biggest message I want to share is that people are not alone. We can all play a role in bringing suicide out of the darkness and raising awareness.
I feel the need to tell Monica’s story because this is something that can happen to anybody. But we can all make a difference. We can all lead with love. We can be each other’s cardinals.
Join me in creating meaning from loss, and struggle — for Monica, and so many others who should still be with us. Let’s all help hope take flight.”
If you’re able, please consider making a gift today to build on the momentum that Ellen has put into motion. Make your gift today.