Jan. 11, 2019 - In October of 2012, my life felt beautiful. My music publishing deal had just gotten picked up, and I’d moved to Nashville to be closer to the woman who soon afterward would become my wife. It felt like my focus and drive were paying off, and that God’s blessings were all around me.
Time moved on, though, and my wife and I separated. Soon after that, we found out she was pregnant with our child. Although we maintained communication, and still cared very much about each other, we ultimately decided to divorce.
My divorce was what first triggered my depression. The loss of our child solidified it.
My marriage itself hadn’t lasted very long, but the divorce process did. This allowed the depression I was experiencing to take root even further. Making matters worse, a month after finding out my wife was pregnant, she lost the baby due to complications. This – combined with the fact that my father had just been diagnosed with esophageal cancer, and was in grave danger of dying – tore my world apart.
The confluence of all these things sent my mind spiraling downward. I felt like my soul had entered a dark and dangerous place.
What helped was talking to other people about my pain. This was what saved my life.
I began talking to anyone who would listen; most of the conversations were wonderfully fruitful. I would strongly suggest that anyone experiencing a mental health crisis should reach out to those they love and respect, because talking to people chisels away at the rock that is depression. If you keep talking, and reach out for help when you need it, that openness can gradually shrink that rock into dust.
There was one person in particular who truly saved my life through our conversations: my grandmother. She never turned me away when I needed to let go of the pain. She always encouraged me and gave me hope. She reminded me that God gave me a purpose, and that it was never too late for things to seem brighter. Because of her encouragement, I’m now in a place where I can share my story with others.
I’m a musician, and this past September, I wrote a song called “There Is A Light.”
The lyrics in the song evoke my own experience grappling with depression:
“Can’t Find The Strength To Keep Your Life
Walls Closing In From Every Side
But If You Look Deep And Reach Down Inside
There’s Much To Save, There Is A Light…”
During the most difficult part of my life, it was so hard for me to continuously find a will to survive. Little did I know that over time, my mind seemed to positively feed off of the many conversations I had with the people who cared about me, and became a major help in my recovery. These talks I had made me feel as though I could see a light deep down within myself that gave me hope.
“Locked In A Cell…Where Is The Key?
Outside Your Mind…Right At Your Feet
Love Is The Way, It Leads You Home
There Is A Light…You Are Not Alone”
My depression made me feel like I was a prisoner in my own mind. Venting to people about what I was experiencing – rather than keeping my feelings locked away – gave me a key I could use to escape my feelings of isolation, and realize I was not alone.
To hear Dylan Lloyd’s song “There Is A Light,” click here.