They Said it Was a Heart Attack

Jan. 7, 2020 – Losing my mom to suicide was such a hard experience. When I first participated in an Out of the Darkness Walk, in 2014, I didn’t say who I was walking for. One of the reasons was because of the shame that surrounded South-Asian culture. I was worried what people were going to say if I told them, “I lost my mom to suicide.”

Nobody talked about it, not even in my family. Everybody – my dad, my grandpa – they all said it was a heart attack. Even I said it, too. There’s a big component within the South-Asian cultures to keep things within the family. When I finally told my friends, they kept asking why. Why did she do it? What was going on? And I didn’t have the answers to some of it. I realized that if I wanted change to happen, especially within the South Asian community, I needed to speak up. I also needed to learn more.

This year, I earned my doctorate in clinical psychology. Losing my mother gave me a purpose.

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