Creating a Community of Shared Experiences: Deidra's Story

Written by AFSP Tennessee Board Chair, Deidra Goins

In 2016, my wonderful and brilliant son Blake died by suicide a few months shy of his 32nd birthday.

As you might imagine, my family was absolutely devastated. I was in a very difficult spot because as his mother, I was grieving my son, but I was also deeply concerned with “mothering” my other two sons, Blake’s brothers. Thankfully, I had their father, my husband at my side. While we each grieved differently, there was never a doubt that this was a road we would walk together. For that, I am incredibly thankful.

Now, the grief that comes along with losing someone you love to suicide can be debilitating and isolating, and it can be very difficult to find your footing. We spent the next few years finding our way forward and searching for a new meaning to our lives. At some point during that time, I came across the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention online and became familiar with its mission and purpose (and its incredible charity rating).

In 2020, I participated in a “virtual” Community Walk in Nashville. I shared my story online and posted a Facebook fundraiser and within hours had raised a few thousand dollars in my son’s memory. Encouraged by that response, in 2021, I chaired an inaugural AFSP Out of the Darkness Walk in the small town where I live, Manchester, Tennessee. The results were overwhelming. Hundreds of walkers showed up. Because of their efforts, and our many sponsors, that first year we raised over $40,000.

While that money goes to further the great work of the AFSP and is an important part of the Community Walk, what is equally important is the community that is created. Hundreds of folks showed up that first year, and they have come back every year since. The walkers arrive eager to share their stores and to offer their encouragement to others. They come to walk and laugh and remember in a community of shared experiences. The subsequent successes of the Coffee County Out of the Darkness Walks have demonstrated a real need for the lifesaving work and community facilitated by the AFSP.

Since that first walk, I have been involved with the Tennessee Chapter of the AFSP in a variety of roles and have most recently been named Board Chair. I am honored to be part of such an organization and hope to be an inspiration to those who have been impacted by a loss to suicide as well as to those who struggle with their own mental health.

Today, our family is flourishing. We have added two daughters-in-law and an absolutely perfect granddaughter to the mix.

When Blake first died, I lived in fear that my identity would forever be “that lady whose son died by suicide.” Now, I know that was a manifestation of grief and foolish thinking. Instead, I believe I am known as that lady whose son tragically died, and she has made it her life’s mission to honor his memory while working diligently to prevent other families from facing such a loss.

My thanks to the AFSP for their role in my journey.