Building Resilience

An individual’s personal resilience is the capacity to adapt and cope with trauma and the stress that life brings. It’s the result of biological, psychological, social/environmental, and possibly even spiritual factors. We all draw from our personal resilience to cope with small challenges in our daily lives, as well as “Big T” Traumas that require more working through.

Fortunately, resilience is a muscle that can be strengthened. Like building new muscles, working on resilience takes time and intentionality. There are many ways to work on resilience and doing so with a partner or therapist can optimize how far we get. Key actions that are almost sure to increase resilience are:

• increasing connections with others,
• increasing meaning or purpose in our lives,
• working on thought patterns,
• and practicing general healthy habits

When we don’t give the topic of resilience much thought, we may mistakenly assume that we are victims of circumstance, and that we just don’t have much resilience. But this couldn’t be farther from the truth. There are key ways we can all learn to grow our capacity for resilience: and while it’s not a perfect or simple path, by learning and giving ourselves space for imperfection, we can find strategies to increase our resilience.

It’s also important to note that when someone experiences suffering or recurrences of mental health challenges, just like with physical health, it’s generally not the individual’s fault. All health outcomes are the result of a complex mixture of genetic and other biological and life factors. We can all get curious and practice a growth mindset that can lead us on a journey toward increasing our resilience.

Below are tips you might consider trying out to help build your own capacity for resilience. Different ideas will resonate for different people, and at different times. See what works for you, and consider incorporating the ideas into your own routine.

Check in with yourself for signs that your resilience may be challenged. Your personal signs might be that you’re not getting enough sleep, having arguments with friends, not getting out as much, or that you can’t think clearly or problem-solve as usual. There’s never any shame in reaching out for help.

To increase your resilience, think about what Protective Actions tend to work best for you. This could include meditating, getting physical exercise, spending time with friends, engaging in therapy, or practicing breathing exercises designed to help you cope with stress or anxiety.

Some combination of therapy and/or medication can not only be restorative and healthy, but lifesaving! You don’t need to wait for a moment of crisis. Taking care of your mental health on an ongoing basis is a strong, responsible thing to do.

It may feel counterproductive when you’re busy, but it is so important to take breaks, even for a few minutes at a time. Be sure to re-set your brain and refresh your energy, even when you’re busy.

Mindfulness means being aware of the present moment and noticing your thoughts and surroundings without judgment. It takes practice, but it can help to slow things down when you’re feeling stressed.

Remember to pace yourself in all aspects of your life: work, family, and social commitments. We all only have a certain amount of energy. Take care of yourself and remember to replenish regularly. 

Having a daily routine that works for you can help provide structure, which can be helpful when things seem out of your control.

Writing down a list of goals each day doesn’t have to be overwhelming. Break things down into tiny, easy steps, and feel a sense of accomplishment by checking things off.

Take a moment to acknowledge something you’ve accomplished. Some days, it might be as simple as taking a shower, getting outside, or calling a friend.

It’s not always easy to think of things you’re grateful for, especially when times feel hard. But making a gratitude list of simple things you might take for granted can help refocus your thoughts in a positive way.

Balance time and energy demands by filling yourself up with things that help you: social connection, physical activity (if you can), meditation, eating healthily, and making time for things that leave you feeling inspired.

Devote some time to a new project, activity or skill. Give yourself permission to be bad at it! The point is to focus your brain on something neutral that you might enjoy.

Express yourself in a poem, short story, song, or painting. Releasing your feelings in some creative way — even if it’s something you don’t normally do — can help you feel lighter.

Notice changes in your sleep — sleeping fewer hours, waking up through the night, or feeling less rested in the morning. Give yourself time to rest and restore by setting a sleep routine that works for you, like shutting down electronics and lowering lights an hour earlier, and having a dedicated area for sleep, designed for relaxation.

Physical activity can help restore your balance mentally! Going for a walk, getting some exercise — even just getting outside, if you can — is a great way to refocus your thoughts.

When feeling stress or anxiety, try putting a calm focus on your breathing. Consciously take deep, slow breaths. Focus on that simple aspect of your being to restore a sense of balance.

Aid your emotional resilience by eating something healthy and nutritious. Eat slowly and concentrate on how each bite tastes. Focus on the experience of taking care of yourself in this way to feed your soul as well as your body.

It’s important to limit your caffeine and alcohol intake, especially when life is challenging! The idea of “everything in moderation” is powerful when you’re thinking in terms of your own emotional resilience.

Dance it out! When you need a break from your thoughts, put on your favorite song and have yourself a little dance party. You can invite a friend, a pet, or just by yourself. Fun physical movement can help you “shake it off.”

Take a bath or a shower to put yourself in a different physical state. Notice the different physical sensations — the water, and the temperature — to ground your thoughts in what’s real.

Create a physical space where you feel safe and comfortable. Put something on the wall that you like to look at. Take care of yourself in the same way you would if you were trying to make a friend comfortable in the space. (Would you like some tea?)

Set up a plan with a friend who makes you feel good, and who you feel comfortable sharing your thoughts with. Do the same for them when they’ve got something on their mind.

Join a virtual gathering when you can’t get out. Spending time with people can help get you away from your thoughts for a bit. Connecting with others in any way can help strengthen your resilience and restore balance to your thoughts.

Social media can sometimes remind you of negative things going on. Set up a list of people and accounts to follow that are positive, and make you feel good!

Share what helps you with a friend and listen to what helps them! We can all use good ideas for coping with life’s difficulties. Hearing about others’ experiences and trying something new can help sustain us when things are challenging.

Explore options for widening your social circles and spending time with new people. Take a class, try a new hobby, and make plans with people you meet.

Find ways to engage with your community, whether it’s by doing something social with the people in your neighborhood, others who share a hobby or interest, or getting involved with a cause you care about, such as suicide prevention.

It’s okay not to feel okay all the time. Recognize that there are seasons in life. Stay grounded by reminding yourself to appreciate the good seasons and know the harder ones won’t last forever. 

If you find yourself worrying — and not being able to focus on other things — schedule a specific set of time to worry later on, and give your brain a break in the present moment.

Things can seem hard when you’re too focused on yourself. In times of struggle, it can help to volunteer your time and resources to a cause you care about. (It can also be a great way to meet other people!)

Do your best to avoid black-and-white, “all or nothing” thinking. Life is complex, and most things aren’t simply good or bad.

When you’re experiencing a crisis, remind yourself of other hard times in your past, and recognize that you got through them. What helped you then? Is there a way of leaning on the same type of support?

Life throws us all challenges occasionally. When your response to them, and negative thoughts, continue past the initial moment of crisis, that’s when you know you should reach out for professional support.

Life is made up of change, but change can be hard! Think about the times in your life when things have changed, and how you reached a new feeling of stability.

Be aware of what provides a sense of peace and calm when you’re anxious: getting outside, talking with a trusted family member, or making time to help others through volunteering. Make a list to remind yourself of these things when you’re not feeling at your best, since it may be hard to think of them during these times.

It’s not always easy to ask for help when you need it, but it’s so important! We all need support sometimes. Write down in advance who you might reach out to when you feel this way, whether it’s a friend, family member, or mental health professional.

If your resilience seems diminished at work, consider talking with your manager or HR department about workload, deadlines, or potential training to strengthen skillsets in a particular area, such as project management.

Losing someone we care about is one of the hardest of life’s experiences. It’s important to talk about your loss, and get all the support available to you, professionally and personally. If you’ve lost someone to suicide, consider arranging a Healing Conversations visit, attending an International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day event, or finding a support group.

Setting healthy, reasonable boundaries is crucial for supporting your resilience. Notice what fills you up, and what drains you — and express your needs clearly about limiting time and space for what wears you out.

Everyone is different, we all have different needs, and our own needs might be different at different times. Think about what replenishes you — connecting with friends or family, having some alone time, reading a book or seeing a movie — and schedule it the same way you would an official meeting or appointment.

When caring for someone you love, make sure to care for yourself too. We all need to replenish and refresh, and when your own physical and mental health suffer, it makes it more difficult to care for others.

If you’re providing support for someone in your life who is at risk for suicide, you don’t have to be alone in that experience. Learn how you can best care for someone else – including how to care for yourself while doing it – through the education program Finding Hope: Guidance For Supporting Those At Risk.

Cultivating time management skills, and recognizing when you need to rest and recharge, is key for maintaining your resilience. Do your best to consider your schedule ahead of time and build in time for breaks whenever you can.

Pace yourself at work and prevent burnout by recognizing warning signs such as irritability, increased frustration, feeling cynical about coworkers or your own work. If you notice these signs, take a step back and review possible actions you can take with a trusted mentor, family member or therapist.

Identify what aspects of work tend to be most challenging for you, such as your relationships with supervisors, co-workers, or clients. Consider communication or project management strategies that could change the dynamics of the relationship.

Help a friend, neighbor, family member or coworker with something they need support on. It’s a great way to not only do something nice, but to remind yourself that we all need help sometimes.  

There are so many ways to get involved in your local community’s efforts to save lives and bring hope to those affected by suicide. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention has local chapters with programs and events in all 50 states, Washington, D.C., and Puerto Rico. Find your local chapter.

Join an incredible network of people in your own area and across the country who are raising awareness and funds for suicide prevention, and sending the message that suicide can no longer hide in the shadows, by attending an Out of the Darkness Community, Campus or Overnight Walk.

Increase your community’s knowledge of how we can all play a role in preventing suicide by bringing an American Foundation for Suicide Prevention education program to your school, workplace, or other space in your area.

Be part of a grassroots effort to make a difference through impactful public policy at all levels of government by becoming an AFSP Volunteer Advocate, staying up to date on and federal and state bills that need your support, or attending an AFSP public policy event.

Learn more about the many different ways you can volunteer for the cause of suicide prevention, and join a community of people who understand, have personal connections to the cause, and are working together to make a difference.